A Blog Darkly
Monday, December 27, 2004
" 'twas Christmas Eve, babe...."
I turn around for five minutes and all of a sudden it's been a week since I updated. Oops.
So OK, last week basically revolved around eating. Some drinking, but mainly eating. We had two busy days at work, with some last minute changes needing a lot of work before the year ended. That over, we had really nothing to do, and not much energy or motivation to start something new....so we ended up having either Christmas or farewell functions Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. On top of that I had lunch with Kaaryn at the Backbencher on Thursday, and drinks at Bodega that evening. That night marked the first time we'd caught up with Damian since he got back in the country. Good to see the boy, and interesting to see how dynamics have changed - or not. Not everyone was ecstatic with the presence of some others there, but I won't go into that.
It's just amazing how many people have come back to Wellington in the last few months. All of a sudden, life has changed.
Christmas Day was the usual trip to my aunt and uncle's place, though a lot more pleasant than usual. Even if the topic of conversation tended to veer a little close to politics, a few too many times.
And Boxing Day was pretty good. It was James's birthday, so we went round to his new flat for a barbecue. The weather nearly ruined it (it was blowing a gale all day and quite miserable) but we managed. And as the day wore on and the alcohol took hold it turned into a good day, with drunken communal singing of Pogues songs, James and his flatmate Irish dancing, and James singing us an Irish folk song (I never thought I'd see him either dance or sing....). But any evening that involves loud singing and taking the piss out of Damian has to be good as far as I'm concerned.
Today Damian and I strolled down to the Basin for the Wellington-Northern cricket match. Complete contrast to yesterday, it was hot and still, almost too hot to stay in the sun for long. So we lay around and watched Wellington throw the game away, but it didn't matter too much.
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I turn around for five minutes and all of a sudden it's been a week since I updated. Oops.
So OK, last week basically revolved around eating. Some drinking, but mainly eating. We had two busy days at work, with some last minute changes needing a lot of work before the year ended. That over, we had really nothing to do, and not much energy or motivation to start something new....so we ended up having either Christmas or farewell functions Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. On top of that I had lunch with Kaaryn at the Backbencher on Thursday, and drinks at Bodega that evening. That night marked the first time we'd caught up with Damian since he got back in the country. Good to see the boy, and interesting to see how dynamics have changed - or not. Not everyone was ecstatic with the presence of some others there, but I won't go into that.
It's just amazing how many people have come back to Wellington in the last few months. All of a sudden, life has changed.
Christmas Day was the usual trip to my aunt and uncle's place, though a lot more pleasant than usual. Even if the topic of conversation tended to veer a little close to politics, a few too many times.
And Boxing Day was pretty good. It was James's birthday, so we went round to his new flat for a barbecue. The weather nearly ruined it (it was blowing a gale all day and quite miserable) but we managed. And as the day wore on and the alcohol took hold it turned into a good day, with drunken communal singing of Pogues songs, James and his flatmate Irish dancing, and James singing us an Irish folk song (I never thought I'd see him either dance or sing....). But any evening that involves loud singing and taking the piss out of Damian has to be good as far as I'm concerned.
Today Damian and I strolled down to the Basin for the Wellington-Northern cricket match. Complete contrast to yesterday, it was hot and still, almost too hot to stay in the sun for long. So we lay around and watched Wellington throw the game away, but it didn't matter too much.
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Monday, December 20, 2004
Approaching year end
And I'm actually feeling OK this week. All right, I have to temper that by saying I took a day off last week for mainly mental health reasons - but I was also semi-sick, and I've been fighting off a cold ever since. So who knows - maybe it was an act of sublime altruism not to go in - and if I had I'd be stuck home in bed for the rest of the week.
The weekend was quiet, went to the girlfriend's work Christmas party on Friday and (of course) met a couple of people I know (she meets acquaintances at my parties, I do the same at hers). Was perfectly pleasant, but a few hours was enough for me.
She made the mistake of accompanying me Christmas shopping on Saturday. It was freezing cold and raining (snow on the Tararuas, in mid-December!). Of course, town was packed out with the other last minute shoppers - the sort of scenario where no-one is in a good mood, especially not someone like me who hates crowds at the best of times). But we survived somehow.
Sunday I met Paul and Kim for lunch at a New Zealand-themed cafe, Kai in the Bay. Quite interesting - half the menu was in Maori and they used Maori ingredients. It was a bizarre experience to be unable to understand a lot of the words on the menu. I'm a bit disappointed in myself, really - I would probably understand an Italian or Indian menu better - and which language is a national language of my country? Something to think about next year.
That afternoon we caught Team America. I wouldn't have bothered, but Rhonda wanted to. Not great but not bad and had enough laugh out-loud moments to justify the admission price. I like the fact that Parker and Stone seem to hate (or at least poke fun at) pretty much everyone equally. And "America! Fuck yeah!" is going to be sung repeatedly over the next few months, I think....
Drake and Dad and I had a dinner at Cafe Rasa - I enjoyed it a little more than the reviewers on that page, the chicken murtabak was tasty and filling, though desert was only so-so.
OK. Four more days of work to get through. And then rest, glorious rest.
Oh, and I've finally started losing weight from that gym-going. 88kg and falling.
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And I'm actually feeling OK this week. All right, I have to temper that by saying I took a day off last week for mainly mental health reasons - but I was also semi-sick, and I've been fighting off a cold ever since. So who knows - maybe it was an act of sublime altruism not to go in - and if I had I'd be stuck home in bed for the rest of the week.
The weekend was quiet, went to the girlfriend's work Christmas party on Friday and (of course) met a couple of people I know (she meets acquaintances at my parties, I do the same at hers). Was perfectly pleasant, but a few hours was enough for me.
She made the mistake of accompanying me Christmas shopping on Saturday. It was freezing cold and raining (snow on the Tararuas, in mid-December!). Of course, town was packed out with the other last minute shoppers - the sort of scenario where no-one is in a good mood, especially not someone like me who hates crowds at the best of times). But we survived somehow.
Sunday I met Paul and Kim for lunch at a New Zealand-themed cafe, Kai in the Bay. Quite interesting - half the menu was in Maori and they used Maori ingredients. It was a bizarre experience to be unable to understand a lot of the words on the menu. I'm a bit disappointed in myself, really - I would probably understand an Italian or Indian menu better - and which language is a national language of my country? Something to think about next year.
That afternoon we caught Team America. I wouldn't have bothered, but Rhonda wanted to. Not great but not bad and had enough laugh out-loud moments to justify the admission price. I like the fact that Parker and Stone seem to hate (or at least poke fun at) pretty much everyone equally. And "America! Fuck yeah!" is going to be sung repeatedly over the next few months, I think....
Drake and Dad and I had a dinner at Cafe Rasa - I enjoyed it a little more than the reviewers on that page, the chicken murtabak was tasty and filling, though desert was only so-so.
OK. Four more days of work to get through. And then rest, glorious rest.
Oh, and I've finally started losing weight from that gym-going. 88kg and falling.
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Thursday, December 16, 2004
Raining again
I take the opportunity to take the day off work. I didn't really need to, but I was feeling tired and edgy enough (and almost sick, one of those half-colds that you can fight your way through - or not).
The old depression/lack of motivation c/w occasional anxiety thing is still in full effect, it seems. Hopefully a temporary squall - but I find it so hard sometimes just to do things - even the very simple things (like in this case go to the bookshop to pick up a book we'd ordered. Like there was something holding me back).
I also skipped out on the NZD end-of-year post pub-quiz drinking session, but I was genuinely not feeling so well last night. That's my excuse, anyway.
I did have a bigger night this week, we had our end of year departmental party, which was held at a most salubrious location (and I'm not going to name it because I'm not naming my workplace here). Was a generally good time, chatted to some known and some unknown, and my girlfriend turned out to know a couple of my colleagues, or their partners, so she wasn't left isolated. Following that we went down to her librarian and information workers pub quiz night, at which we once again finished a narrow second (one of those frustrating times where one of you gets an answer, but someone else overrules them). Still, there were cheap beers and food and the company was good. I'll take that.
Trying to organise a picnic/barbecue for the weekend, here. I think we'll cancel if the weather is like this.
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I take the opportunity to take the day off work. I didn't really need to, but I was feeling tired and edgy enough (and almost sick, one of those half-colds that you can fight your way through - or not).
The old depression/lack of motivation c/w occasional anxiety thing is still in full effect, it seems. Hopefully a temporary squall - but I find it so hard sometimes just to do things - even the very simple things (like in this case go to the bookshop to pick up a book we'd ordered. Like there was something holding me back).
I also skipped out on the NZD end-of-year post pub-quiz drinking session, but I was genuinely not feeling so well last night. That's my excuse, anyway.
I did have a bigger night this week, we had our end of year departmental party, which was held at a most salubrious location (and I'm not going to name it because I'm not naming my workplace here). Was a generally good time, chatted to some known and some unknown, and my girlfriend turned out to know a couple of my colleagues, or their partners, so she wasn't left isolated. Following that we went down to her librarian and information workers pub quiz night, at which we once again finished a narrow second (one of those frustrating times where one of you gets an answer, but someone else overrules them). Still, there were cheap beers and food and the company was good. I'll take that.
Trying to organise a picnic/barbecue for the weekend, here. I think we'll cancel if the weather is like this.
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Sunday, December 12, 2004
Working for the man
It isn't all bad though. Work is going well. They're pleased with what I'm doing, and they're a good bunch of people to work with. It's a very, very different environment to where I was previously - the whole culture is different. A lot more professional, I think. Not that the old place wasn't - just in a different way. And much more individualistic, based around whatever ideas people had, rather than around process and peer-review. Or so it seemed.
Anyway, it's nice for me to have people actually paying attention to what I do, and liking it (as opposed to people having no idea what I was doing, but thinking that they liked it). Again, though, I can't quite shake off a sense that I'm really doing something wrong, deep down, and that sooner or later I'll be found out.
Oh well. I'm sure this will pass somehow.
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It isn't all bad though. Work is going well. They're pleased with what I'm doing, and they're a good bunch of people to work with. It's a very, very different environment to where I was previously - the whole culture is different. A lot more professional, I think. Not that the old place wasn't - just in a different way. And much more individualistic, based around whatever ideas people had, rather than around process and peer-review. Or so it seemed.
Anyway, it's nice for me to have people actually paying attention to what I do, and liking it (as opposed to people having no idea what I was doing, but thinking that they liked it). Again, though, I can't quite shake off a sense that I'm really doing something wrong, deep down, and that sooner or later I'll be found out.
Oh well. I'm sure this will pass somehow.
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Saturday, December 11, 2004
It's Friday - let's get depressed
So for the last three weeks my Friday night has gone identically.
Go out, meet up with some friends. Have a few drinks, everything's good, I'm enjoying their company and in some cases seeing people I haven't seen for a while - in one case, for about three years.
Then around 10pm, all of a sudden everything flips and I'm in the lowest of the lows. I have to leave, to get out of there, straight away. I walk home with Rhonda, but I won't talk to her or anything, and all the while I'm thinking incredibly negative thoughts about me, my life, my friends, her - everything. Each time, she's brilliant, we go home and I lie in bed till noon, barely talking. Then she goes home (or I do, if I'm at hers). I spend the rest of the day lying around feeling low. Gradually, by Sunday, I'm alright.
Every week for the last three.
This is starting to annoy me. But I don't know what to do about it, short of going straight back onto medication again.
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So for the last three weeks my Friday night has gone identically.
Go out, meet up with some friends. Have a few drinks, everything's good, I'm enjoying their company and in some cases seeing people I haven't seen for a while - in one case, for about three years.
Then around 10pm, all of a sudden everything flips and I'm in the lowest of the lows. I have to leave, to get out of there, straight away. I walk home with Rhonda, but I won't talk to her or anything, and all the while I'm thinking incredibly negative thoughts about me, my life, my friends, her - everything. Each time, she's brilliant, we go home and I lie in bed till noon, barely talking. Then she goes home (or I do, if I'm at hers). I spend the rest of the day lying around feeling low. Gradually, by Sunday, I'm alright.
Every week for the last three.
This is starting to annoy me. But I don't know what to do about it, short of going straight back onto medication again.
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Friday, December 03, 2004
Automatic censorship: not so good in practice
A rather nifty post on BoingBoing about Xeni Jardin's experimentation with the automatic filter on Microsoft's blogging tool. While seemingly innocuous titles like 'pornography and the law' were banned, other, far more scatological ones made it through.
This is the reason I oppose automatic filters - they make too many mistakes, denying access to legitimate content, and failing to block some objectionable content.
The original contains some words that may be offensive. It's here.
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A rather nifty post on BoingBoing about Xeni Jardin's experimentation with the automatic filter on Microsoft's blogging tool. While seemingly innocuous titles like 'pornography and the law' were banned, other, far more scatological ones made it through.
This is the reason I oppose automatic filters - they make too many mistakes, denying access to legitimate content, and failing to block some objectionable content.
The original contains some words that may be offensive. It's here.
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