A Blog Darkly
Saturday, November 08, 2003
  Getting clean
I've been depressed for years. For as long as I can remember, since maybe the age of eight. I've tried counselling (a few years back), self-medication, and two types of SSRI. And I've started seeing a therapist as well.

You know what they say: 'you have to want to change'? Well, recently I've realised that's true - and it's true on a really profound level. There's wanting to change, and then there's really wanting to change. And now I really want to change.

For too long I was glorying in being depressed, in having an illness. I was seeking treatment, but deep down in my self-image I saw myself as the hard-assed depressed guy, sneering at the happy people. Not anymore. I want to get clean. I want to beat this depression, not just treat it. And why?

Well, it comes back to a woman again. She's given me the inspiration to want something more, to want not to feel like this anymore. To want to be clean, for her.
 
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Personal blog for miscellaneous rantings, to keep the trivial stuff out of my serious blog, which is all about library and information science "stuff". Check my profile for more about me.
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