Getting clean
I've been depressed for years. For as long as I can remember, since maybe the age of eight. I've tried counselling (a few years back), self-medication, and two types of SSRI. And I've started seeing a therapist as well.
You know what they say: 'you have to want to change'? Well, recently I've realised that's true - and it's true on a really profound level. There's wanting to change, and then there's really wanting to change. And now I really want to change.
For too long I was glorying in being depressed, in having an illness. I was seeking treatment, but deep down in my self-image I saw myself as the hard-assed depressed guy, sneering at the happy people. Not anymore. I want to get clean. I want to beat this depression, not just treat it. And why?
Well, it comes back to a woman again. She's given me the inspiration to want something more, to want not to feel like this anymore. To want to be clean, for her.
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